Have you ever been told to just get over something? There are a lot of inspirational quotes out there to tell you to keep a positive attitude, but that message can sometimes be very damaging. Generally, this advice is a defense mechanism for people who don't know how to help.There's nothing more invalidating than someone telling you the pain you may be feeling is selfish and/or self-created.
Pain is a way of helping us establishing boundaries and is absolutely necessary for us to understand how and why we feel a certain way. When we're told to be positive when we're moving into the darkness, we are bypassing the alchemical process of transformation. Instead of healing ourselves, we become detached. This is called dissociation.
In Toxic Positivity: Don't Always Look on the Brightside, Dr. Konstantin Lukin Ph.D. says "Accepting difficult emotions helps with coping and with decreasing the intensity of those emotions. Think about how good it feels when you can finally talk about how hard your day was with your partner, parent, or friend. Getting things off your chest, including negative things, is like lifting a weight from your shoulders, even if it’s more difficult than pretending everything is fine."
The nigredo, or blackness, literally means putrefaction or decomposition and is the first step in the transformational process. It is represented by the Tower in the tarot. This is a signal to us that something needs to change and in order to transform our pain into something meaningful we have to allow it to be broken down. Only then is the healing process possible. If we bypass our emotions, the pain becomes stagnant and festers creating a polluted emotional body.
We're not meant to always be positive, but we are meant to find peace and understanding through our pain. We can be hopeful, but only if that doesn't mean not being authentic. All of our feelings and experiences are valid and learning experiences for our journey here.
I had the pleasure of attending a sacred feminine full moon drumming, burning bowl and sound bath ceremony a few days ago. It honored the moon and the divine feminine. We took a meditative journey to visit that part of the divine within us that provides comfort, sparks creativity, and gives birth to new ideas and change.
After the bowl burning and drumming we immersed ourselves in sound bath healing. This experience took me to an unexpected place. I experienced rebirth over and over again from the perspective of many living things seeing the world through her eyes as a fish, a baby bird breaking through an egg, many different animals, and even the trees, flowers, rocks, and water. I was one with the cycle of life.
When I woke up the next morning I continued to feel the effects of her presence being acknowledged as a part of my life. I am no stranger to her. I met her once on a meditative journey myself, just in a different capacity.
In my journey I came into a beautiful empty field, filled with tall grass and sparse trees. It reminded me of a field in Africa where you would see images of giraffe's and elephants. The wind blew gently and bent the grass, the cool air balancing the warm sun that I felt in the sky.
In the middle of the field there was an old-fashioned photo booth. I walked toward it and I could see the feet of someone inside. When I stepped inside there was an older man in his mid-to-late sixties and he was wearing sunglasses. He had the biggest smile on his face and he welcomed me to sit with him and take some photos, never speaking a word. We played and laughed and I felt safe. I asked him telepathically why he was wearing sunglasses and I heard "Because I'm cool" and he continued to laugh and sit with me. Then, in a serious moment he said "If I were to look at you with my eyes you would go blind by the light of the sun. I accept you Mary Ann. All of you as you are." At this point in the meditation the tears began to flow down my face. I felt like I belonged. I felt loved. He then said "I am the father." I knew it but it was so nice to hear it.
At that point I saw someone standing outside of the photo booth, waiting for me. My body relaxed and my tears began to subside. When i stepped out of the photo both there was a woman, about the same age as the man with long, wavy silver-grey hair and a white dress. She was so gentle and kind. When she looked up at me with her eyes, I saw the universe swirling. She said "I see you Mary Ann," and I began to cry once again. She continued to say "I am the mother." Her compassion and love filled me. I felt complete.
After the full moon ceremony I was reminded of her and how she works through us. But I felt something was missing, too. A lot of spiritual work evokes the divine feminine and it's true that she is a part of us that has been kept in the shadows, but we are not whole without both the divine feminine and the divine masculine.
I often hear people say that they want to leave the corporate world behind and live out their truth, but we are not just a part of ourselves. If we abandon the divine masculine we lose our ability to plan and be tactical about our work. We need both the divine masculine and the divine feminine in our lives on earth to be able to manifest our truth. We are not this or that, we are both this and that. We are not an or statement, but an AND.
We must marry the divine masculine and the divine feminine in our lives to be truly whole. We cannot reject a part of ourselves and expect to be successful. Even if we are able to manifest without one or the other, we will remain off balance and in emotional unrest.
The resistance we experience is meant to make us stronger and wiser. If we accept all the parts of ourselves, that is where we become what we are meant to be.
IMAGE CREDIT: Thomasz Alen Kopera
Like all human beings, I fall into periods of darkness. Alchemists called this the nigredo. This often happens when I'm anticipating something or have levels of uncertainty about the future. This type of darkness is restlessness and causes anxiety that often leads to depression. Again, depression is when our critical mind has shut down and allows all of our fears and worries to flood our subconscious and get stored there. But I learned that it can be more. It can also be spiritual.
When I find myself in this type of state, I'm fortunate to have someone assist me into a state of relaxation. My husband and I call this journeying, not unlike a shamanic journey but with the goal being to better understand the blocks I'm facing and how to ask for divine help to remove them.
Last night for the first time something different happened for me on my journey within. I went to a place of complete stillness. There was a clearing in the woods with a lake and beings of light that illuminated the water, welcoming me. They asked me to rest, spiritually. To take a break from all the noise in my mind and to be contemplative. It was a level of peace that until last night I had not been able to accomplish in the entirety of my life here.
I went to bed shortly after my journeying session. I dreamt of many things, but it seemed that I was clearing out old patterns and moving forward into a new one. When I woke this morning I heard a voice say, "forgiveness and gratitude are the highest forms of grace."
I knew that what the voice was telling me is that the path to grace is being able to fully forgive, not only those who have wronged us but ourselves for not being perfect. In order to do this fully we must be truly grateful for all that we are. This leads to grace.
Grace allows us to rest. The rest is called inner peace. This is where we all want to be.
We've all heard people say "He or she is an old soul." In a meditative state, I sat down and asked for an explanation. Here's what I learned.
Q: How old is my soul? A: As old as everyone and as young as everything. All souls are the same age, infinite. We are all one, therefore we are all the same age.
Q: If we are all the same age, then why are some people wiser than others? Where does this knowledge come from? A: We are all the same age because time does not exist.
Q: If time does not exist how are there past lives? A: Cycles
Q: What are cycles? A: Before I explain a cycle, remember that time does not exist, but consciousness does. Wherever you are “conscious” is where you are. It is the now. It is the I AM statement and it is your current rotation. It is the cycle that you’re experiencing.
Q: Which cycle am I on? A: An advanced rotation of this life form, a cycle of this life…not your first and not your last. Time does not exist; therefore, you do not exist in it. What you’re experiencing right now is a choice. This incarnation of you is the one you chose to be conscious of right now. All other versions of you, all other incarnations also exist, but your consciousness does not exist there. Your energy is present here.
Q: How is my energy here and how does it work with me consciously? A: Energy has no age, but it does have frequency, vibration, and intensity.
Q: What is intensity? A: Intensity is why some people seem to be older souls than others. It is intensity that defines how advanced spiritually someone is because this is how much energy has been put into their spiritual bodies. The availability of this energy is dependent on how many rotations of each lifetime have been experienced. It has nothing to do with age or time, but rather frequency and vibration of the spiritual body. The term “old soul” is used but physical age has nothing to do with it.